


Tree Huggin' Froggy Lover

by GeniusCactus



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Crack, Environmentalism, M/M, precious yarn jewelry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 14:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8536888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeniusCactus/pseuds/GeniusCactus
Summary: After an incident in the school’s dissection lab, the Yakiniku Magistrate embarks on a life changing journey





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Meaningless crack helps me cope with things. Dedicated to anyone else struggling with recent events. Take care of yourself please.]

_Just an innocent little frog._

_A spring green fellow who once spent his days leaping about with froggy friends. Not a care in the world. He had parents who loved and cherished him. But now? Oh! Fate is so cruel!  Beautiful green skin faded to a dull gray, smelling more and more like formaldehyde every day. How can I, Shuichirou, lover of life, nature, and all things wonderful, be a participant in this terrible--_

At that moment, the teacher rapped her pen on his desk jolting Oishi out of his trance like internal monologue. “Oishi?” She glared down at him over her ruby red glasses, “We only have the specimens this period. You can get started any day now.”

Looking from the frog to the teacher, Oishi made an uncharacteristically rash decision, and marched right out of that froggy prison.

Ha! That would show them!

Oishi received a 0 for the day’s lesson, and would later have to explain to his parents the call home about him skipping out on science class. But other than that, everything was going just swell!

_I’m such a good person_ Oishi hummed to himself on his way to afternoon practice.

An blue speckled tree frog leapt past, suddenly giving Oishi a painful flashback of the dissection lab. Maybe the speckly frog was friends with the ones in the lab. They would never again be able to sit together by the school’s mosquito nests, with their tongues stretched out long like laffy taffy, and eat flies to their heart’s delight.

It wasn’t enough to just protest the school’s immoral practices. He had to take more drastic measures! Oishi Shuichirou, a lover of nature, life, and all things wonderful, had to make sure not another animal was harmed under his watch.

Nothing, not even the psychology exercises Oishi had given them the previous week, could prepare the regulars for what would take place in the Seigaku tennis clubroom after school.

They never expected that Oishi, radiating flames of fiery passion, would leap up on the clubhouse’s wooden bench and cry, “In order to stand up for environmental justice and equality, I am taking a stand against animal cruelty by becoming a vegetarian! All who wish to accompany me on this endeavor please say I!”

Did the Yakiniku Magistrate just declare he was becoming a _vegetarian_? Not making a sound, the regulars took three steps back, narrowly avoiding the white hot sparks flying off the substitute captain.

After a moment of silence, one brave person spoke.

“Ah. I will make sure to adjust my Inui juice formula accordingly.”

Now all attention was focused on the data man. _Wasn’t Inui Juice already vegetarian?_ But still, not a soul dared to speak!

Well, except Eiji.

“Wah!” Eiji wailed, flinging himself into Oishi’s warm motherly arms, “Inui! Isn’t your juice already vegetarian? I mean it’s just vegetables and juice…right? Right?!”

“So one would think,” Inui shrugged.

“Ahem,” Oishi cleared his throat, causing attention to fall back on the substitute captain. “And, if any of you wanted to join me on this beautiful journey…”

Like students willing the teacher not to call on them, the Seigaku regulars all scrambled to make eye contact with anything and everything but Oishi.

Ah, except Eiji.

“Eiji!” Oishi turned to the bouncy boy clinging to his arm,“You care a lot about animals, right?”

“Of course, Oishii!!”

“And, you’re willing to support me always?”

“Yup, because we’re the Golden Pair!”

“So it’s no problem, Eiji can become a vegetarian!”

“Yeah! I can totally--wait...what?”

“Anyone else?” Oishi scanned around the clubroom cheerfully.

“Well…err…Oishi, seeing as I work in a sushi restaurant, I don’t think it’s possible for me to…you see my parents wouldn’t be happy…and…” Kawamura scratched his head apologetically, stumbling over his words.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Taka-san. I’m sure the others will step up,” Oishi reassured, continuing to stare at all the other regulars expectantly.

“Sorry, but vegetarianism goes against my…philosophies,” Momo spoke up. Momo’s life basically revolved around tennis and burgers. Going vegetarian risked fundamentally changing him as a person.

“I guess it could be fun,” Fuji chimed in, “My sister went vegan for a while. The food she ate at that time was exquisite.”

The gang collectively shivered. That probably meant it was terrible.

“And, how about you Kaidou?” Oishi inquired.

But, before Kaidou had a chance to reply he was pulled aside by Inui.

“Kaidou, there is a good chance, 89% in fact, that agreeing to this would increase your likelihood to become next year’s captain,” Inui murmured, rapidly flipping through some statistics and graphs in his data book.

“What? But how?”

“There’s no time for explanations. Just remember, this is your chance to **one-up Momoshiro.** ” Inui said, adding quietly to himself, ‘ _And my chance to collect your data huhuhu.’_

The words **one-up Momoshiro** were music to Kaidou’s ears. All that idiot peach cared about was himself and eating burgers. Maybe becoming vegetarian was what it was going to take to prove how much more respectful and hard-working he was than the other second year.

“Kaidou agrees,” Inui waved over to Oishi, who was in a staring contest with the youngest regular.

“Do it for Karupin!”

Echizen returned a look of ‘are you stupid?’ spouting his famous ‘mada mada dane.’  At Echizen’s words Momo breathed a sigh of relief. He was getting worried he would have to eat burgers all alone.

For the rest of the week, the tennis regulars (minus Echizen and Momo) all ate lunch together outside whilst sitting cross legged in a circle under Echizen’s favorite napping tree. It turned into a sort of team bonding exercise, and even Kawamura, the budding sushi chef, made sure to pack a vegetarian friendly lunch so he wouldn’t disturb the other’s concentration.

However, the only person who seemed to be gaining any type of enjoyment from all of this was Fuji. Fuji adapted relatively easily to the new diet, as his main staples (apples, wasabi, and various chili spices) were all already vegetarian. So, Fuji was blessed with the delight of watching the other’s struggle, while continuing to eat all of his favorite foods.

“Would anyone else like some?” Fuji asked, holding out a metal tin filled to the brim with sliced apples slathered in a terrifying looking sauce. “I made enough to share.”

Seeing just how many spicy apple slices Fuji had in his lunch, Kawamura felt it was his duty as a good friend to take a couple. And also his duty as a chef, who understood the pain of coming up with unique menu items, only to have customers complain about something annoyingly trivial. Fuji had never once complained about Kawamura’s cooking. (Which hadn’t always been stellar, especially in their 1st year). Some said it was because Fuji was missing a thing called taste buds. But, Kawamura believed it was because of another thing called **friendship** , and vowed never to complain about Fuji’s cooking.  

While Fuji was busy trying to get people to try his food creation, Oishi pulled 5 different colored spools of yarn out of his bag, setting them in the middle of the circle. Golden-yellow, blue, white, green, and lavender.

“Is that...yarn?” Eiji clapped his hands together in excited anticipation. “Does this mean we’re braiding friendship bracelets?”

“Not quite. These are for making memory aids. Have you heard that if you want to remember something important, you can tie a string around your finger as a constant reminder? I thought we could all make them so over the weekend we remember our special promise to Mother Earth.”

“Ooooh, so it’s like a friendship ring! That’s even better! Here,” Eiji said, handing Oishi the bright golden-yellow spool of yarn, “I’ll braid yours and you can braid mine. It will be more special that way.”

“Okay...but you don’t have to braid it...”

“I’m going to make matching ones for me and Tezuka,” Fuji said, reaching for the white and lavender spools of yarn, “We’re never taking them off.”

“Tezuka’s not even here,” Oishi heaved a heavy dramatic sigh. Why was nobody taking this exercise seriously?

“Well, I wish he was...” Fuji muttered as he started braiding the white and lavender strings together.

“I think I’ll make some for Echizen and Momo. I feel bad for not including them,” Kawamura said, grabbing the blue spool of yarn and snipping a piece off Fuji’s white spool. He was making his rings Seigaku colors.

“Actually, they’re the ones choosing not to participate. Besides I’m 94% certain that Echizen will just give that string to his cat and Momoshiro will lose it within the first week,” Inui pointed out as he reached to the middle for the green spool of yarn.

His hand lightly brushed against another’s

“Fshuu,” A voice hissed, and the hand rapidly recoiled.

“Kaidou, it seems you’re interested in this green yarn,” Inui said, drawing himself closer to the bandana guy and wiggling his eyebrows quickly up and down to make himself appear more... attractive? Well, there was only a 10% chance of that working, but Inui was going to take it!

“Kaidou,” Inui continued, eyebrows still wigglin’, “Why don’t I make your friendship ring and you make mine?” He nodded towards Eiji and Oishi who were cuddled together admiring their already completed golden yarn rings. “It’ll be good for our _doubles_.”

Kaidou nodded, flushing at being tasked with the important honor of braiding his senpai’s ring.

Inui set the green spool of yarn between the two of them, and he and Kaidou sat side-by-side braiding matching friendship rings till the end of lunchtime.

Ah yes, everything was going perfect as pie until the regulars had to separate off into their own families for the weekend. And, this weekend would be particularly difficult for Oishi.  It was his father’s birthday Saturday, and his family was going to eat his favorite yakiniku. But, he came prepared with a three step plan which included not going to the dinner, not thinking about yakiniku, and of course, wearing the friendship ring Eiji braided with love and care for him.

“It’s like I said before, Mom, I’m vegetarian now, so I can’t eat yakiniku anymore,” Oishi argued, crossing his arms in front of his chest in order to look more stubborn-like.

“Shuichirou. Your father already made the reservation. You can eat yakiniku tonight and go back to being a vegetable or whatever tomorrow,” Oishi’s mom rolled her eyes. Kids these days.

_It doesn’t work like that, Mom._

“Can I just stay home? I’m not sure I can stand to be around yakiniku my first week of being vegetarian,” Oishi pleaded.

“No, your father already made the reservations, so you are going. End of discussion!”

Oishi did alright watching his father, mother, and sister eat yakiniku without him.

For the first 5 seconds.

That’s when the Yakiniku Magistrate took over his body. Before anyone had a chance to stop it, the Yakiniku Magistrate had already eaten 3 full plates of beef and was looking for more. Oishi’s body was desperately craving meat, as it had already been 2 full entire days since he allowed himself the precious delight.  

When exactly 10 plates had been finished, the spirit of the Yakiniku Magistrate finally left. Oishi never has any memories of being possessed, but could guess by the dumbstruck expressions on his family’s faces and the meaty taste in his mouth just what happened.

_Oh! What have I done?! The poor unfortunate cow that had to be sacrificed for my greedy palate—_

“Shuichirou, stop spacing out. We’re going home now,” Oishi’s dad stood up, directing his son out of the restaurant.

Per usual, Oishi walked alongside Eiji to practice the following Monday. As Eiji laced their hands together, the soft yarn of Eiji’s friendship ring rubbed against Oishi’s naked hand. It was a cold reminder of the terrible deed he committed over the weekend.

_Trying not to look guilty always makes people look guiltier_ Oishi thought, feeling his palms and forehead beginning to form tiny beads of sweat.

“Oishi, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Oishi spoke a bit too quickly. But the lie was in vain, as it is impossible to keep anything from a doubles partner!

“Liar liar, your hands are all sweaty!” Eiji said, unclasping his left hand from Oishi’s right, giving it a good shake, and wiping it on the sleeve of Oishi’s tennis jersey. Coming to a full halt, Eiji placed both his palms gently against Oishi’s clammy flushed cheeks, asking, “Did you eat something bad?”

_Ah! He knows. It was foolish of me to try and conceal my misdeed from Eiji._

“I guess you already know then…I didn’t keep my promise to the team and ate meat this weekend.”

“Oh, that’s all? Me too! I keep forgetting about it,” Eiji giggled, flashing him a toothy smile.

Then, Eiji took his two hands resting on Oishi’s face, tracing them down the length of his spine, gently whispering, “But, I still have the ring you gave me, Oishi.” Encircling his hands around the other’s hips, Eiji let the pull of their magnetic attraction close the teeny gap that remained. “I was thinking we could...start saving up for real ones. After Nationals. You know, for our _doubles_ ,” Eiji breathily continued, spit tickling against Oishi’s earlobe.

“Mmhmm,” Oishi nodded into Eiji’s hair, deeply inhaling in his minty fresh scent. But, Eiji could still sense his partner’s heart was unsettled.

Pulling away just enough for Oishi to get a good view of his lower lip pout Eiji said, “Oishi, you need to stop taking this environmentalist stuff so seriously! You know, I think everyone already learned some important things. Like, I’m gonna think more carefully about what I eat, since all the animals have homes and families too. Maybe I should stick to things like shark, ‘cause they’re mean and nobody likes ‘em.”

“E-eiji!”

“Kidding!” Eiji winked, playfully bopping Oishi on the nose. “I know, I know. Shark is expensive! I won’t spend my allowance like that. Anyway, I’m sure everyone already forgot about your whole ‘be good to the earth thing’ over the weekend!”

It felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off his chest, and for the first time that morning Oishi smiled. Eiji was right, being Mother Nature’s loyal servant didn’t require him to become a vegetarian! He could show his commitment to the environment in other, more reasonable ways, like petitioning the school for little bird feeders outside every window of the school.  

And, if it wasn’t for one stubborn, hardworking, and secretly animal loving regular, this would be the last anyone would hear of Seigaku’s vegetarian adventure.

 

**Two Weeks Later! --- Dearest Tezuka Returns!**

Tezuka whipped his package out and Fuji’s eyes snapped open, zeroing in on the meat stick. He quickly clued in that this was not one of his ‘Tezuka homecoming fantasies.’

“I hope it’s to your liking,” Tezuka spoke, as Fuji gingerly formed his hands around his sausage. Hard, and warm like a gas stove flame.

Fuji’s poker-faced smile did not betray his wild array of emotions. “It’s perfect, Tezuka,” Fuji said, keeping the words he truly wished to say locked in his heart. Words like _I love you_ , _I missed you,_ or _Why did you only text Oishi?_ could all wait until after.

Cradling Tezuka’s bratwurst with his left hand while gently caressing it with his right, Fuji took a moment to gaze into Tezuka’s eyes. For a millisecond they gazed back, sending an exhilarating quiver to Fuji’s tummy. Then, bending over ever so slightly, Fuji touched Tezuka’s sausage to his mouth, running his tongue lightly along its slick exterior.

The taste was beyond words. Fuji stifled a moan, resisting the urge to shove the thick meaty length between his lips and absorb all of its yummy extracts.

Fuji wanted this moment to last as long as possible.  For the both of them.

He and Tezuka were finally--

 

“Fujiko...Don’t just stare at it...” Eiji whined, reminding Fuji they weren’t alone.

“Use your teeth. Bite into it like man,” said Oishi from behind.

Fuji internally bristled when Momo offered to ‘help him out if it was too much for him.’ Like hell he was letting Momo get his greasy fingers all over his Kuniwiener!

And, Fuji felt the sharp coolness of reality stab him in the heart when Tezuka bellowed, “Everyone, it’s Fuji’s turn now, you’ve already had your share.” As, not only did the others also get to taste Tezuka’s tender meats, but Fuji had last dibs.

_But perhaps not all hope is lost_ , _I just need to prove to Tezuka I’m serious about us,_ Fuji thought, slipping a hand into his pants pocket to finger at the little lump formed from his pure love. He was excited for the chance to finally show his tiny treasure off to Tezuka. Then Tezuka would finally be his and his only!

Tezuka wasn’t sure what to think when Fuji pulled a wadded up piece of string out of his pocket, handing it to him like it was some valuable object.  

“Put it on...” Fuji said, and Tezuka realized it wasn’t simply a piece of string but a braided ring. He did as instructed, putting the little circle of yarn around his finger. Tezuka shouldn’t really have been so surprised at how perfectly it fit him. Fuji had once told him his fingers were his best feature, carefully inspecting each one, and petting them gently as if they were their own tiny beings.  Fuji is sort of weird like that.

But Tezuka is a funny one too. Of all the souvenirs he could have brought the team, why bratwurst?

_Now it looks like we’re married_ , Fuji beamed, cuddling Tezuka’s little bratwurst close, and imagining he and the Seigaku captain’s long long future together.

All the regulars were accepting Tezuka’s sausage like it was no big deal. It was almost as if they forgot their important promise to Mother Earth. Momoshiro was scarfing down what was to be his 5th bratwurst, and even the vice captain himself was now down on all fours licking the last remaining bits of meat residue off his fingers.

All but **one** Seigaku regular had fallen victim to temptation.

Out of the corner of his peripheral, Kaidou saw Tezuka approaching him.

What was he supposed to do?

Refuse his senpai’s special gift? He couldn’t! But...

Inui gave him a subtle nod from across the way. Inui who had been with him every step of the way. Inui who had helped him plan meals, not the best tasting, but they were still meals. And Inui who made him a special friendship ring, which he would not give to Echizen’s cat.

“I can’t accept this,” Kaidou said, as Tezuka attempted to hand him the bratwurst.

Everyone’s mouthed dropped. Did Kaidou just turn Tezuka down?

“Please. I prepared it special for you,” Tezuka tried again in earnest.

“I can’t!” Kaidou backed away slowly.

“That’s right,” Inui suddenly appeared between them. “Kaidou is the sole remaining vegetarian on the team,” Inui was bragging as if it had been him making the dietary changes, “The team did a little experiment and he was the only one with diligence and determination to stick with his new--”

Did Inui just say, sole remaining vegetarian? “Inui senpai, does that mean you aren’t a--”

“Relax, Kaidou. I’m not the topic of discussion right now.” Inui wasn’t one. Hadn’t ever been. He was merely collecting data on the process.

“Ah.” Tezuka frowned, looking like he wanted to say something more. And then he did, “Was it your idea to change the diet of the regulars so close to nationals, Inui?”

“Oishi’s.”

_Thanks a lot Inui._ “I-I can explain!” Oishi raced to his feet, pulling Tezuka aside to explain his heartfelt story about the dissection frogs and the beauty of life.

By this point Inui was practically glowing. Leaning over to Kaidou’s ear he whispered, “70% chance they’re discussing your captain candidacy right now.”

Kaidou was nearly certain this would have no bearing on his captain candidacy. Yet, he discovered there was something to eating green. It made him feel like a powerful nature warrior! This past month, he had been so motivated by all the good he was doing, his sprinting speed improved by an entire minute.

_For Kaidou Kaoru, it wasn’t simply a diet anymore, but a lifestyle._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't expecting the ending to be like that either ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Thank you for reading


End file.
